What is trauma bond? Google describes trauma bond as “an intense, unhealthy emotional attachment that develops in abusive or toxic relationships, characterized by cycles of abuse interspersed with positive reinforcement. Victims feel trapped, often experiencing fear and intense loyalty simultaneously, making it difficult to leave. This bond is fueled by intermittent reward/punishment and biochemical changes, often mirroring addiction.”
The first and most important step to heal from trauma bond is to break the addiction-like cycle of abuse, second is to work on oneself, and third is to get professional help. How do you recognize that you are in a trauma bond relationship? Key factors of this type of relationship include having the feeling that you can’t escape the relationship even when you know is unhealthy, you feel trapped. Another sign is when you have to adjust who you are to please your partner, feeling like you are constantly walking on eggshells. Another key factor is justifying or minimizing the abuse. But the key factor and the one that creates the addiction feeling, is the intermittent affection: when the abusive partner alternates between kindness and abuse. Victims of trauma bond are often isolated from others and frequently gaslighted into thinking their actions or behaviors are crazy, too much, full of drama or that no one is going to believe them or support them in their reality.
The most important thing to know is that healing isn’t instant, it is a process, and there can even be withdrawal symptoms. Some of these symptoms are confusion, self-doubt, cravings for the abuser, fear of being abandoned by loved ones, guilt and self-blame, and isolation. Remember that is important to seek support: professional and from loved ones. If your loved ones are being manipulated by the abuser, get close to people in your community or in your church. Healing is possible and it marks the beginning of a new life, a life of freedom.
In this photo from my recent trip to Paris, the iconic piece of Tiffany & Co. The Bird on a Rock. A bird of rare beauty resting peacefully on a magnificent rock.
